I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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