you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
