I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
