I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
