Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
