yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
