I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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