it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
