One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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