Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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