My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
