my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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