Can i not drive my cunt home
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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