great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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