I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
