i wish my penis had a tongue
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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