Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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