no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
