my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
