Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
