I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Randomize
