I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
