i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
