I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
