You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How naked do you want me to be?
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