She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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