grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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