I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
