I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i came on her dog
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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