it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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