just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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