I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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