Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
