He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
