I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
