Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
