You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
