Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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