How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
