Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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