rhymes with "ouble enetration"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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