Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
