dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
