too bad you live with your parents still
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
