i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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