I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
this beer tastes like vomit already
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
