I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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