yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
