I would go down on you faster than GM stock
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
