your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
