Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
