I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
