May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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