Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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