am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
