im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
