Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
