Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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